Healing through
grief and loss

My clients feel the pressure to “feel better by now,” and perhaps they recognize some unhealthy patterns in their mourning: self-isolating, letting go of commitments, unable to re-engage in their lives, neglecting their needs. They feel lost and directionless, and pained to be trying to “move on” in a world that doesn’t include their loved one.

Time alone cannot heal all wounds, and the experience of a significant loss will defy the standard expectations for “moving on.” What can be especially challenging is when the loss isn’t a straightforward one – when it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. My experiences both personally and professionally have led me to recognize some fundamental truths about grief and loss:

 

• The pain is real. It exists across the spectrums of the mental, the emotional, and the physical. These are not signs that there is anything wrong with the griever. They are simply some of the many facets of grief.

• We have no choice but to hold loss in our hearts. It will simply be there, maybe for a long time. And if we don’t work to process those feelings – if we avoid them – they will simply wait for us until we are ready.

• We may never actually feel ready to process grief.

• I will spare you the many platitudes that you may have heard about grief, except one: There is no right way to grieve. There are just different ways of grieving, and what is prescribed in our culture isn’t a good fit for many, many people.

• Grief is a noble emotion. It is deeply rooted in the love we have for the person we’ve lost. As such, we must honor it.

• Investing the time to process the loss, and taking meaningful actions to adjust to and adapt to the loss, is the path of healing.

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I hold one truth about human nature so dear: we are not meant to go it alone. I am honored to walk alongside a client in their grief — to be a witness, to listen, and to guide them through the rawness and vulnerability of the experience. It is a humbling walk, and  I am always grateful to be trusted in this way.