Over the course of our lives, so many of us become “survivors” of one challenge or another. And many of these challenges merit the name “trauma”. The wounds that these experiences cause are like the scarring from a cut, and over time, we can build quite the collection. But these aren’t like regular scars: these stay “awake” and ready to react when a new difficulty arises. We bring our past forward with us and relive those old wounding experiences while trying our best to navigate through the new ones.
Cancer is a trauma experience. And if past wounds are still in there, awake and alert for new threats to react to, then today’s diagnosis is going to awaken many of those scars from the past. The new diagnosis exposes our vulnerability, and activates our threat-response system (fight/flight/freeze/fawn). This is happening in the body - it’s the trauma response. It’s automatic.
Our bodies react: rage, numbing out, nervousness felt in the throat, heart, chest, belly, limbs - so many ways of reacting. This body, in its reactivity, is trying to save our life! But which threat is it responding to? Today’s, or yesterday’s? And is this response helpful? What is this reaction about?
What is your reaction pattern, and what are its consequences? Do you withdraw from loved ones to cocoon yourself, and then feel even more isolated? Do you hold it all in and then explode with rage when you just can’t take one more little thing? What if you tried to look at this from a different perspective - is there a better response? Can you learn to be less reactive and still maintain safety?
Here is a bold proposal: what has become automatic can be un-learned.
“Why can’t I just be normal?” and “Everyone else seems to be able to handle this”: these are the responses I hear the most from my new cancer clients. Then I sit alongside them, help them explore their reaction patterns, and help them develop perspectives, insights, tools, and skills for making the shift happen - so that things can feel more normal again.
Let’s acknowledge the reality - and the normalcy! - of the trauma response; let’s not pathologize it, instead let’s honor it. Recognize what it’s about - protection! - and learn from it. Let’s grow through this new trauma experience with cancer, to heal those important wounds, past and present. It is possible to do this - to heal, and grow, through cancer.
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